Monday, March 19, 2018

Weather. . .Or Not

NARRATOR: Do you remember the story that Mr. Aesop told long ago about a contest between the Sun and the Wind?  They tried to see which one could get a man to take his coat off.  The Sun won, and most people think that was the end of it.  But alas, Dear Readers, that was only the beginning. . .

WIND:  [Wind whooshes in]  So, Hot Stuff. . .

SUN:    Are YOU. . .talking to. . .ME?

WIND:  Yeah.  How about a rematch?

SUN:     Rematch?  I beat you fair and square.  You huffed and you puffed, but you couldn't get the man to take his coat off.  He only pulled it tighter!

WIND: Yeah, yeah -- and then you cranked up the heat 
            and he took it off.  Big deal.

SUN:     I won.

WIND:  Yes, but you cheated.

SUN:    Did not!

WIND: Did too.  I ought to just poof out your pilot light.

SUN:   I ought to blister your backside.

WIND: Pl‑lease.  Let's settle this like civilized beings.

SUN:   So whadya have in mind?

WIND: A contest.  Winner takes all. 

SUN:   What contest?

WIND: This time let's see who can make. . .

SUN:    A cake?

WIND:  No fair.  You can bake it.

SUN:    Then I'll win.  

WIND:   I've got it.  Let's see who can make a kite fly.

SUN:     No fair.  You're a big blow-hard.  

WIND:   Then I'LL win.

SUN:     Your ideas are dumb!

WIND:   NOW I've GOT it.  Oh, I AM a genius!

SUN:     What?            

WIND:   For the next month, let's see who can control the weather.  You try to bring Summer in and I'll try to keep it Winter.

SUN:      That's it?  That's your great idea?  Too easy. 

WIND:    Oh, you think so?

SUN:      Piece of cake.

WIND:    Your over‑confidence will make my victory all the sweeter.  So, do we have a deal?

SUN:      Deal.

[They shake on it.]

NARRATOR: So for the first few days of the new month, the wind did a lot of whooshing and swooshing.

WIND:   Whooooooooooooosh!  Swooooooooooooosh!  
              Cough, cough.

SUN:     Hey, Genius! Aren't you afraid you'll blow your brains out?

WIND:    Rooooooooar!  March just came in like a Lion.  Pretty impressive, don't you think?  I'm not one to rub it in. . .

SUN:     [Sarcastically] Of course not. . .

WIND:   But. . .I'M WINNING!

SUN:     Not exactly.  The children are all outdoors riding bikes.

WIND:    In their jackets.

SUN:      But no hats.

WIND:    [Mumbles]  Guess I should work on the hat thing.

SUN:      Oh, and do you hear something?

WIND:    What?  Who's singing?  What's a robin doing here? 
               In WINTER?

SUN:     Summer.

WIND:   We'll see.

SUN:     What's that supposed to mean?

NARRATOR:    Later that month. . .

SUN:      Seriously? Snow?  Awwwww, come on! Yesterday it looked like Spring.  Today, there's snow and ice.

WIND:    I, um, made a little trip north and brought back a blast of Arctic air.  Ahhhhhhhhhh.  [Pounds chest]  Refreshing, isn't it? 

SUN:      A‑a‑a‑choo!  Oh, my sinuses!

WIND:   So. . .you wanna build a snow‑man?

SUN:     [blows nose]  I most emphatically do NOT. 

WIND:   [scoops up a snowball and hurls it at the Sun]  I'm winning.  I LIKE winning.  Winning is fun.

SUN:     How would you know?

WIND:   What's that supposed to mean?

SUN:     Have you noticed the oak tree?

WIND:   Looks okay to me.  Snow on every branch. 

SUN:     Look around the trunk.

WIND:   Wha-a-a-at?  Flowers?  A‑choo!  Oh, my allergies!  What are flowers doing in the snow?

SUN:      Off‑hand, I'd say they're blooming.

WIND:    This is an outrage! 

SUN:      Thanks. From you, that's a compliment.

NARRATOR: This quarrel went on day after day until the end of the month.

WIND:    Okay -- where'd you go?  Where are you hiding?  What are you up to?

SUN:      . . .Surprise!  [Spreads out her arms]  How do you like my. . .RAINBOW? Ta da!

WIND:    Oh sure, take all the credit.  If I hadn't blown the mist into just the right position. . .

SUN:      It was such a NICE day, I thought all it needed was a pop of color.  Looks like I'm winning, not to rub it in.

WIND:    Don't count your chickens. . .

SUN:      Meaning what?

WIND:    You tell me.  What do the words killer frost mean 
               to you?

SUN:      You wouldn't dare!

WIND:    Watch me.

SUN:     You'll murder my magnolias!  My crocuses are croaking!

WIND:   Casualties of war.

SUN:     War crimes, you mean.  You leave me no choice.  March may have come in like a lion, but it's going out like a lamb‑to‑the‑slaughter.

WIND:  Oh, yeah?  How about some icicles?

SUN:    How about POP‑sicles?

WIND:   Drizzle!

SUN:     Sizzle!

WIND:   Monsoons!

SUN:     Balloons!

WIND:  I'll bring back the glaciers.

SUN:   I'll melt the ice-caps.

WIND: Oh yeah?  How about some sleet?  Sleet, slush, 
            and slop -- take that!

SUN:    Yuk!  How about a nice sunburn?

WIND:  Won't work.

SUN:    Why not?

WIND:  It's night now -- you've already set.  And I'm gonna 
             howl and growl all night.  Ow-owwwwwwwwww!!!

             gong. . . .]

NARRATOR:    A clock strikes midnight on March 31st.

WIND:  [Jumping up and down]  It's over, and I won. I won!

SUN:    In your dreams, Wind-bag! 

WIND:  Oh yeah?  Well at least half of March has been 
             cold and nasty. 

SUN:    Well, half has been sunny and bright.

WIND:    I can't stand here arguing with you.  It's time for tornadoes in the Midwest.  We'll have to settle this next year.

SUN:      You bet we will.  And I know who'll win.

WIND:    Yeah. ME!

SUN:      Ha!  We'll see.

SUN & WIND: Same time, next year!

NARRATOR: To this very day, the Sun and the Wind battle it out each year, which probably explains why weather in the month of March is a crazy‑quilt.  If March comes in like a lion, it goes out like a lamb -- or vice versa.  Sudden spring.  Sudden snow.  Kites and crocus.  Birdcalls and snowballs.    The last snow day of the school year.  It's kind of fun.  March has a lot of personality -- even if it's a split personality.

So if you find March just a tad confusing. . . .

WIND: I won!

SUN:   No, I won!

NARRATOR:  . . .you aren't the only one. 

Image credits:
    The Wind and the Sun poem - Contributing Library: New York Public Library, 
        Public Domain
    Sun emblem - © Can Stock Photo / nalakatst
    Wind blowing - © Can Stock Photo / cteconsulting
    Robin - Author: HlnBC
    Crocus - Author: Jean-Marc Rosier
    Crocus in snow - Photographer: AnRo0002
    Rainbow -  © Can Stock Photo / Krisdog
    Angry sun - © Can Stock Photo / yayayoyo
    Tornado - © Can Stock Photo / pangeran
    Children flying a kite - Victorian Trade Cards Collection, Public Domain


  1. Finally an understandable explanation! Whew...and after all these years...many thanks!

    1. Guess I picked the right week to use this post. Is this crazy weather or what?

  2. That's one way to explain the bipolar seasonal days! Pretty nifty.

    1. Bipolar? You said it. Thanks for stopping by my blog!