Sunday, May 13, 2018

Best Moms of Mythology — 2018

We're back!

And we welcome mythopaths world-wide to the reality show that honors the most mythic moms ever. . . .the B-MOM’s – Best Mothers of Mythology  2018 edition. And as always, we have an all-star line-up of moms of mythic proportions. So to get started. .  . .

Awwww! Look at the cute little kitty. Um, I mean kitties —there are two, no three. Now, wait a cotton-pickin’ minute. Where did all these freakin’ cats come from? 

Oh, I get it. The Egyptian goddess Bastet, the ultimate cat lady, isn’t hard to spot. She’s the one with the body of a woman and the head of a. . .yup, you guessed it. Let’s just say her puss is unforgettable. 

She’s the Goddess of Domesticity, Fertility, and Childbirth. She's sometimes pictured with a litter of kittens at her feet, just to show what a great mom she is. (Although there has been some speculation as to whether Bastet is in fact a real mother or if the kittens were borrowed from an animal shelter to sway the judges. We’ll have to wait for a ruling on that. So stay tuned.)

I guess we can tell from the music who just arrived. The orchestra is playing Maat’s theme song. “She stuck a feather in her cap and called it law and justice.” Catchy, isn’t it? 

Maat, with sporty feather

Maat  Egyptian Goddess of Truth, Order, and Harmony  represents the moral order for life and society. She holds a scepter in one hand and an ankh in the other. (The ankh is a pretzel-like symbol of eternal life.) 

When you die, said the ancient Egyptians, you go to the underworld and meet Maat standing next to a pair of balance scales. Maat will weigh your heart against her famous feather. If your heart weighs less than or equal to the feather, you have led a virtuous life. Congratulations. You go to the Good Place. Heavy heart? Oooops. Your fate: not so great. 

Day of Reckoning

Maat had eight children, but her favorite was Amon (or Amun), who was later promoted to Amun-Ra. Yeah. The Big Cheese in Egypt. 

Okay, that’s a big change in the music. There’s some serious honky-tonk in the house! Let’s see, that must be. . .surely not. . .but it is. . . . .Medea! A famous sorceress in Greek mythology. 

Medea, rocking her children to sleep. Permanently.

Back in the day, Medea started crushin’ big time on some guy she met online — dude named Jason. Jason was on a quest to find the golden fleece. She promised to help him but only if he would marry her. Dude was desperate, so he agreed.  

After a lot of bloodshed and other icky stuff. Jason returned home triumphant, fleece in tow. 

Jason and Medea bought formula and disposable diapers for years — while Medea kept popping out babies. But alas, Jason had wandering eyes and he fell for the king’s daughter, Glauce. Medea, not the most forgiving gal, poisoned Glauce and her dad. And that was just for starters. According to Euripides, Medea then murdered two of her own children just for spite. Take that, Jason! Then Medea found a new husband and continued her life of creative crime. 

Medusa will probably win Most Colorful Mom category, but can she take the grand prize? 

Here to challenge her is Axomamma, an Incan deity and a daughter of the Earth Mother. She is one hot potato. In fact, she is the Goddess of Potatoes. If attacked, she can throw hot potatoes at her enemies. Whether or not she also throws catsup or sour cream is unknown. Her children are many, but apparently they are all of the spud persuasion. 

Unfortunately Axo had another engagement tonight, but here to represent her is a close relative. I understand there's a strong family resemblance. Let's give it up for Mrs. Potato Head!

Mrs. Potato Head

Well, I think that’s about it for this year’s contestants. . .oh no, wait. One more. She’s so quiet, she’s easy to overlook. Come on out here, Penelope. Yes, Dear, you. 

Penelope is best known as the wife of Ulysses, a Greek adventurer, and as the mother of Telemachus. She waited patiently while hubby was "away on business." For 20 years — yeah, right. She fought off insistent suitors who thought she should declare her husband dead and collect the insurance. But Penelope remained faithful until she and Odysseus were reunited. Good job, Girl. 

In fact, the results are in and this year’s winner of the B-MOM’s is [lengthy drumroll followed by trumpet fanfare] . . . . .

Penelope! You really deserve this, Sweetheart. No, go ahead. Take a bow. But don't dilly-dally, because one contestant is throwing potatoes and another one is throwing cats. And Medea has a murderous gleam in her eye. 

Ladies, cheer up. You will all receive participation trophies! And one lucky loser will receive the 2018 Nobel Prize for Literature -- since the Swedish Academy has no other use for it this year.

Oh why do I bother? This thing always degenerates into a debacle with the sparkling, affable hostess running for her life! Happy Mother's Day, and Happy B-MOM’s until next time!

A word from our sponsor: 
Want to catch reruns of previous B-MOM ceremonies?

Image Credits:
  red carpet - © Can Stock Photo / xalex
  kitten - Author: Author:User:Maxo: assumed (based on copyright claims);
  Bastet - Author: Gunkarta; 
  Maat -   Author: Dahl assumed (based on copyright claims);
  Judgment -  Source: The Book of the Dead; Author: E. A. Wallis Budge (1857-1937);
      Public Domain in its country of origin and other countries and areas where the
      copyright term is the author's life plus 70 years or less;
  Medea - Artist: Artemisia Gentileschi;  Photographer: the same;

  Mrs. Potato Head - Author: Geof Sheppard;
  Penelope - Artist: Dante Gabriel Rossetti; Public Domain in its country of origin and 
     other countries and areas where the copyright term is the author's life plus 100 
     years or less.

No comments:

Post a Comment