Publishing Put-Downs of Biblical Proportions

Rejection is painful for any writer. But take comfort in knowing that even Bible authors may have faced those dreaded rejection slips.

Dear Solomon: To everything there is a season. Regrettably, this isn’t yours.

Dear Job:  Strong opening and conclusion. Cut the middle and resubmit.

Moses, posing for a book jacket

To David:  Sorry, there’s just no market for poetry—and your stuff doesn’t even rhyme.

Dear Moses: What? You think your words are written in stone? Lighten up.

To Whom It May Concern: Your writing has merit, but we don’t publish books anonymously. No exceptions. And since you failed to enclose an SASE, I will not be returning your parchment of “The Book of Hebrews.”

To Matthew:   Too many begats. We’ll pass.

To Jonah:  Quite a fish tale. Try Field and Stream.

Jonah on a book tour to Ninevah

To St. John the Divine: We can’t sell the “end times” to a contemporary audience. Get with it. . .or be left behind.

Apostle Paul gives a reading

To Solomon:  Your “Song” is too racy for our church-ladies demographic. Shame on you!

Greetings, Paul, Our Dear Brother in The Lord: The epistolary form is dead. Have you thought about doing your “letters” as a graphic novel? 

Dear Daniel: We have published three other dream books in the last year. But if you ever write a Travel Guide for Babylon, send it to us.

Daniel, dealing with rejection

Jerry: Bottom line: The working man won't put his money on the counter for a downer like "Lamentations." Can you rework it as "Ten Easy Steps to Health, Wealth, and Popularity"?

The prophet launches his publicity campaign
with "I Like Jeremiah" buttons,
available on www.not-for-prophet.org

Dear Dr. Luke:  Your book does not meet current editorial needs. Sincerely, Pharisee Press.


Mr. Malachi:  Do the math. If people tithe, they’re going to have less money to spend on books. No sale. 

Dear James: We are rejecting your manuscript. Count it all joy.